i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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