I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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