and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
