so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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