I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I party with great urgency now.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
