Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
