6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
