all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
