The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I faked an abortion last night.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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