y did u give ur computer a hand job?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
