then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
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