Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You work out of a Hotel?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
