Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
