you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
