You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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