Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
