she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I am naked and annoyed.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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