You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
