I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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