dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
