Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
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I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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