I want to have your abortion
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
