I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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