I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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