dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just had sex on a roof
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
