Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
is it fun? or sober?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
