I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
