I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
