I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
