I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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