just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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