Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
