I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
