I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
