This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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