4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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