So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
