what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
