Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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