Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
