Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
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I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
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See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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