How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
love makes seman taste better
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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