I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
