I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
