she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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