I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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