I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
