There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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