Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it hurts more in the daytime
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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