I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
