You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She bit a glass in half.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
