Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
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