that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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