We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
