Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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