that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
