I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
