i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
