The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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