WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
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Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
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A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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