I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
