She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
