If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize