A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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