Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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