My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
