he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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