She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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