i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I didn't notice because vodka
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
