Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
