YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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