Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
