dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
