Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
