PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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