i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
