help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
