Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I will be naked everywhere
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
