PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
