i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
